Remember when your partner was your biggest fan? Or perhaps they still are and you want to make sure it stays that way! I like to work with couples regardless of the state of the relationship, whether you want to create and maintain healthy patterns of communicating and connecting for a fulfilling relationship, or if you want to make sure you have similar values and life goals needed to make the relationship work. I think all relationships can benefit from better understanding and communication.
Our partners tend to show and uncover deep needs and beliefs we may have about ourselves (and the world) that we aren’t even aware of. During our work together I will strive to have each partner uncover these beliefs and needs as well as communicate them in a way that will inspire the other partner to respond with support and understanding; increasing the depth and quality of connection in the relationship. If the partners choose to take separate paths then I can assist both parties in the ending process so as to create empowerment through a deeper understanding of what happened and what direction to go next.
In this work we will focus on understanding what is already going well with the relationship so that you can make sure to replicate that in the future. We will also create the foundations to good communication so that if there is a misunderstanding you are able to deal with it effectively and efficiently before it potentially snowballs out of control. This work will also give you both a deeper understanding of each other as you uncover hidden values or limiting beliefs about your partner that perhaps they didn’t even knew they had! This is a great idea for couples that are thinking of embarking on a big transition, like moving it, or getting married, or having a baby.
Very few people get married with the expectation that it won’t work out. When one partner decides that the relationship is not working anymore it is a very (very) difficult and painful time for both individuals. During this time I can work with both parities individually or together as they navigate what happened, what went wrong, and where to go from here. Additionally I can work with partners and coach them in how they tell their children, what is essential for their children to hear and understand. Or I can work with just the children as they are struggling to adjust to this shift in their lives.
Of course there are often a complex jumble of emotions after you have split with someone yet still have to share the parenting of your children. For the child this is the most important time for their parents to work as a team to create consistent expectations and encourage them to have healthy coping and development. In this work I teach clients to create healthy boundaries and expectations with the other parent. As well as help traverse the emotion laden path of being able to be the best support for your children so that they adjust and eventually flourish in this new arrangement. I can help with creating parenting schedules, how to deal with different child reactions, how to deal with and make sense of your own emotions, and lastly how to have effective communication so as to reduce the amount of conflict between all parties involved. This is already a difficult time in everyone’s life, lets make it at least manageable!
Related to all these phases of a relationship, here is one of my favourite quotes about love:
“When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth……
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.”
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet